Hi all,

Earlier, Kellie suggested that if I were to make fun of anybody in my 
stories, it should be myself.  So, I took her suggestion to heart, and 
wrote up this story - just to show you I can laugh at myself, too.

Here follows "Denver Devil", by Steven Han, 8/18/1994

------------------------------------------------------------------------

8:01 a.m.
FBI Headquarters

Mulder sat forward in his chair, leaning on his elbows and poring over a
leaflet on his desk.  He noticed Scully entering the office and muttered, 
"Hiya, Scully."

Scully hung up her coat and proceeded to her desk.  Noticing Mulder's rapt
attention over his reading material, she asked, "So, Mulder, what's new 
this week in the world of the bizarre?"

Mulder kept his face planted in the leaflet and responded, "Hey Scully,
come look at this, will ya?"

Scully had a suspicion this would lead to another of those weird cases,
but she proceeded over to Mulder's desk anyway.  "So what's up, Mulder?"

Without saying a word, Mulder looked at her and lifted the leaflet up 
to her face.

Scully took the green folded-out piece of paper and gazed at it.  It was
titled 'The People's Hemp Legalization Initiative'.  It contained various 
articles on the medicinal value of marijuana, as well as a long list of
possible uses for hemp fiber.  A B&W photo accompanied one of the articles,
showing a young man posing on a cross, his head drooped, with a hemp plant
tied around his head.  The ridiculous symbolism made Scully's eyes roll.

Scully handed the leaflet back to Mulder and said, "Gee Mulder, you sure
must be on some strange mailing lists.  Is this the sort of thing you did 
back in your Oxford days?"

Mulder grinned and responded, "No, Scully - one of the agents upstairs
handed me this.  It relates to a case I've been researching."

Scully crossed her arms and asked, "And what case would that be, Mulder?"

Mulder got up and turned off the office lights.  He walked around to the 
back and turned on the slide projector.  Scully turned around to see the
picture of a man on the projector screen, the same man she had seen in the 
leaflet.

"Take a good look, Scully", said Mulder, popping a sunflower seed into his 
mouth.

"What am I looking at?", asked Scully, sitting down.

"This is one of the most evil men in the United States today.  His name
is Steven Han, and he leads the People's Hemp Legalization Initiative in
Denver, Colorado.", he said, spitting out a shell.

"What is he, some kind of a hippie?", asked Scully, sounding bored.

"Nope, Scully - that's just what he *wants* everyone to believe.  In 
reality, he's much more than that.  He's actually a 27-year old financial
analyst from Denver, and he has established a secret underground 
organization called the 'GATB'."

"The what?", asked Scully.

Mulder responded, "It stands for the 'Gillian Anderson Testosterone Brigade'.  
It's an unofficial group that honors and lusts after a certain TV actress.  
I don't think you know her."

He continued, "Anyway, that's the supposed official charter of the group, 
but its real mission is much more sinister.  I've found out that the 
group's name really stands for something else - the 'Global Assimilation 
and Totalitarian Brigade.'"

"What!", exclaimed Scully, turning around to face Mulder.

"That's right, Scully - it's a group bent on total global domination."

Scully rolled her eyes up to the ceiling in disbelief.  "Mulder, you have 
got to be kidding.  Do you mean to tell me that some hippie in Denver wants
to take over the world?  What, isn't he more interested in free love or 
something like that?"

"But he's not a real hippie, Scully - remember?  In actuality, his 
political views are quite diametrically opposed to that of most hippies.
In fact, his views on women are quite archaic - he believes women should
be forbidden from expressing their sexuality, and also that they should
always stay at home in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant."

"Boy, I'm sure glad he wasn't *my* father", commented Scully.

Mulder went on, "Anyway, he has gathered up a number of followers for his
cause.  He has lured them by claiming to be the second coming of Christ.
He goes around to all the area campuses - the University of Denver, the
U. of Colorado at Denver, and occasionally even up to the main U. of 
Colorado campus in Boulder.  He strolls around the campus with a bible in 
hand, preaching fire-and-brimstone sermons to anyone who'll listen."

He continued, "and over the past few years, he's actually managed to gather 
up a group of followers, a ragtag band of the worst kinds of social misfits.
Drunks, escaped convicts, retired politicians - you know the kind.  And he's
been training them for the day of reckoning, the Armageddon."

Scully's eyes narrowed.  "Armageddon? you think he's planning a large-scale
insurrection?"

Mulder replied, "Yes, Scully, that's what I believe.  My sources tell me
that he believes the U.S. government to be bloated and corrupt, and that
it needs to be replaced.  And many would seem to agree with him."

"Anyway, he plans to gather popular support and establish himself on the
national political scene.  Then he plans to incite a massive revolution, 
sweeping away the existing centers of power and installing himself as the
absolute dictator.  And once he is firmly in power, he plans to forbid
women from working, writing, or even wearing clothes in public."

Scully looked back at Mulder to see if he was joking.  But his
expression remained resolute.  Pausing to digest the information, she
asked, "But Mulder - how does he plan to recruit his army?  after all, 
there are only so many social dropouts that would be willing to join in 
such a foolish crusade."

Mulder responded, "Yes, Scully, and that's where the hemp comes in.  I
believe Steven has perfected a process to control peoples' minds through
the use of Marijuana.  How exactly, I'm not certain.  But we'll find out."

Scully thought for a moment, and looked up at Mulder, asking, "Well, so
what's our next move?"




1:25 p.m.
In front of the State Capitol Building
Denver, Colorado

Mulder and Scully peered through their sunglasses at the crowd that had
gathered in the busy capitol square.  Hundreds of people, men and women,
young and old, had come to listen to the weekly speech given here by the
now-famous preacher, nicknamed Screeching Steve.

Scully was about to remark to Mulder on the size of the crowd, when she 
suddenly heard everyone cheering.  Moments later, a man in his late 
twenties stepped up to a podium.  From back where she and Mulder were 
standing, Scully could barely make out his features, but the face was 
unmistakable.  It was the man from the leaflet.

Up at the pulpit, Steve raised his hands, motioning for the crowd to
end its applause.  He began his speech, raising a small black bible in the 
air.  "Ladies and Gentlemen, I welcome you all today to this most important 
of gatherings."

"This is truly a grave time in our history, one in which our government
has lost touch with its people.  When our senators and congressmen and 
even the very president himself are concerned more with their own 
popularity levels than with the well-being of the people."

Voices in the crowd cheered, "Hear, hear!"

Steve continued on.  "Those people in Washington, the very ones we put
into office, are now abusing their powers, paying no heed to the desires
and will of the people they represent.  No, they have their own agenda, 
which is to perpetuate the evil, repressive system of so-called government 
that only serves to fatten their bellies, while starving the very people 
who put them into office!"

More voices from the crowd cheered the speaker on, "Yeah! Way to go! Right 
on! tell it like it is!"

Steven continued on without hesitation.  "And they show absolutely no
signs of remorse, no trace of a guilty conscience with regard to the sins 
they are committing.  I say these public servants have been corrupted by 
the system, and they in turn have corrupted the system even further.  This
beast of corruption thus feeds upon itself, growing ever larger, ever more
gluttonous, ever more evil!"

The crowd's cheers grew louder. "Damn yeah! f***ing A!"

Steve's voice grew darker.  "And this beast, the very same one that is
destroying our future, is actually described in this book here, the book
of truth, the book of God himself.", he said, pointing to his bible.  The 
crowd gasped.

Steve continued, "Yes, my brothers and sisters, the answers lie here, in
the legacy left us by the Almighty himself.  If you will look inside
this bible, and read the book of Revelations, you will see how Jesus
Christ foretold the coming of the beast, the Antichrist, and all his 
minions.  Now, I don't have to tell you who the Antichrist is, and who his
minions are - that part is obvious.  But I will tell you that they were 
sent here to earth by the devil himself, Satan, to wreak havoc on mankind, 
to destroy all that is good and right in our beloved world."

The crowd reared back in fear.  Mulder and Scully looked around and saw
grown men cowering from Steve's words.

Steve pounded the pulpit, raising his voice.  "But god has provided us with
a path of salvation! he has told us he will send his son back into this
world, to defeat the evil Antichrist and cast him back into Hell!  Therefore,
do not fear, my loved ones, as you will be saved, if you believe, and if 
you have faith in the cause."

Steve paused to look around at the crowd, which was frozen in rapt 
attention, eagerly awaiting his every word.  He continued, "Follow me, my 
children, as I work to defeat the evil beast, the evil Antichrist and his 
minions.  Together, we shall cast these abominations off the face of the 
earth, and together, we shall build a new world of love and honor!  
Together, we shall prevail!"

The crowd roared up with thunderous cheers and applause.  Scully had to
cover up her ears to keep from passing out from all the noise.

The noise died down a few moments later, and Scully looked around.  She
saw haggard looking men in white robes moving around the crowd,
collecting donations.  One of them came up to Mulder and Scully, and
pushed the plate in Mulder's direction.  

"Sorry, I gave at the office", quipped Mulder.  Scully just shrugged and 
turned her coat pockets inside out, grinning as if to say - sorry!.

Mulder and Scully struggled to make their way out of the crowd.  Looking
back, Scully noticed that the people were descending upon Steve to shake 
his hand in reverence.

Rubbing shoulders with the people coming the other way, Scully thought she
noticed a funny smell in the air.  It smelled like an herb of some kind, 
but not any she recognized.  Puzzled, she took another sniff, then another, 
and another.  Still not recognizing the smell, she decided to just ignore it.

Walking back toward their car, Scully looked up at Mulder and asked,
"Gawd, Mulder, how can those people fall for that kind of crap?"

Mulder spit out a sunflower seed and responded, "Well, Scully, I guess
the people are just disgusted at the politicians, and are seeking an outlet.
Funny thing is, from that speech I just heard, I think Steve would actually 
make a pretty good politician."

"Oh geez - in that case, may god help us all", responded Scully.





2:35 p.m.
Ramada Inn

Mulder and Scully were sitting in their hotel room, discussing the case.

"But Mulder, what do we have on him so far? We can't arrest him for
giving bad sermons!"

"But Scully, don't you see? that speech was just to prepare these people
for something much more sinister.  He's just breaking down their mental
barriers against violence.  It's only a matter of time before..."

Just then, the phone rang, and Scully reached over to pick it up.  "Hello?", 
she said.

Scully paused and then looked at the phone, puzzled.  She put it back down
on the receiver.  "Strange, Mulder - just a couple of clicks, and then the 
person hung up."

Mulder's face suddenly froze in thought, and he got up.  "Uh, Scully,
Why don't you work on these clues - I think I'll go over to Mile High
Stadium.  I've always wanted to see the Rockies play."

"But Mulder, the baseball players are out on strike!", said Scully.

"No problem, I'll just check out the picket lines then", said Mulder,
disappearing out the door.





3:15 p.m.
Cherry Creek Mall, Downtown Denver

Mulder stepped inside the Victoria's Secret showroom, which was full of 
lacy and delicate women's fineries.  He tried to keep his gaze fixed on the 
floor beneath him as he walked through the store, but his eyes kept 
wandering over to the luxurious bras and teddies.  His eyes followed the 
racks of frilly undies as he proceed to the back of the store, until his 
gaze met up with that of a mean-looking saleslady of about size 24.  He 
managed a glimmer of a smile, saying, "Uh, hi.  I'm just here shopping for 
a friend."

Red-faced, Mulder moved to the back corner of the store and fixed his gaze
on a rack of orthopedic socks.  He stood there for several minutes, until 
he felt a man creeping up next to him.

"They're having a sale on push-up bras, Mr. Mulder", said the man in the
long overcoat.

Mulder turned to see Deep Throat gazing at a collection of lacy black
garters.  "Brings back lots of old memories", mused DT.

Mulder glanced back around the store, and turned to DT.  "Look, I need
some information.  How is it that this Steve fellow can influence people 
with such cheesy speeches?"

DT said knowingly, "Well, Mr. Mulder, have you ever heard of the Berkeley
project?"

Mulder shook his head, puzzled.

DT continued, "Well, Mr. Mulder, this was all well back before your time, 
of course.  But as you must be aware, back in the 60's, there were a large
number of popular free-speech, free-love, and free-beer movements, all 
centered around the Berkeley, California area.  You know, the 'hippy
movement', as it was commonly called.  It was all very disturbing to the 
local government officials, as these young people were challenging the very 
foundations of their power."

"So together with certain people in the federal and local governments, we
decided to sabotage these fledgling movements.  We knew we couldn't use 
force to stop them, as that would only rally more support to their cause.  
So we decided to take a more surreptitious approach."

"We knew that these hippies made a regular practice of smoking marijuana,
or pot, as they called it.  We therefore secretly sprayed California's 
marijuana crop with special tranquilizers developed by the army for guerilla
warfare.  This altered pot crop had a dramatic effect on the recipients, 
severely dulling their brains and impairing their ability for independent 
thought.  This weakened and eventually destroyed their free speech 
movements, and the rest is history.  All of those rebellious hippies have 
since turned into conformist yuppies."

Mulder deduced the rest.  "And so this Steve guy has rediscovered the 
secret formula, and is doping his pot with the chemicals, in order to 
control the minds of his followers?"

DT grinned and said, "Nothing gets by you, Mr. Mulder."  

Mulder's mind pieced two and two together.  "And so that's why he's in
favor of legalizing pot!  he needs a large supply to control an army!"

DT smiled and nodded, then began to turn and leave.

Mulder began to call to DT, to ask him one more question.  However, the
large saleslady swung back by Mulder, giving him a dirty look.  She did not
particularly like the idea of two men in long overcoats leering around in
her store.  She glanced back at the departing DT and asked Mulder, "So, was
that the 'friend' you were shopping for?"





4:15 p.m.
Ramada Inn

Mulder knocked on Scully's door, and rushed in as she opened it.  He turned
immediately towards her and said, "Scully, I found out how Steve does it.
How he controls their minds.  It's through a drug he mixes with the pot!
He's apparently been releasing this combination drug upon the audience in
his speeches!"

Scully looked back at Mulder, and responded in a slurry voice,  "Huh, 
what, Mulder? what did you say?  a speech? uh, oh yeah, that was a great 
speech today, wasn't it?"

Mulder's eyes narrowed, as he sensed Scully wasn't herself.  Her face 
looked pale.  Concerned, he held her chin and looked into her eyes.  Her 
pupils were dilated.

Frightened, Mulder grabbed Scully by her shoulders and began shaking her
back and forth.  "Scully! snap out of it! you shouldn't have inhaled!
Scully!"

After a few minutes, the intelligence returned to Scully's eyes, along with
the color to her cheeks.  She seemed dazed and confused.  "Huh, Mulder,
w-what happened? where am I? Oh, don't tell me - it's all coming back.
Oh, wow, that was strange, like I was in some kind of trance or something.  
Boy, I've got to sit down", she said, sitting on the edge of her bed.

Mulder scratched his chin for a minute, and a look of determination came
over his face.  If Steve could get to an intelligent person like Scully
so quickly, he could get to anyone.  Mulder knew he had to stop this evil
criminal quickly.  He turned and headed for the door.

Scully saw him turning away and asked, "Mulder, where are you going"

Mulder glanced back and said, "I'm going to get this evil megalomaniac."

Scully got up slowly from the bed and insisted, "Well, then I'm coming
with you, Mulder."

Mulder began to protest, pointing out her condition, but they were both in
the Taurus before he could finish his sentence.




5:30 p.m.

Mulder sat on I-25 in the rush hour traffic, his last sliver of patience
wearing away.  The cars had come to a dead stop on the highway, and they
had not moved more than a few blocks in the past hour.  Why, if he heard 
one more guy honking behind him, he would get out and.... he shook off the
thought.  He looked around the road, and noticed that the traffic was 
packed solid in both directions.  This was even worse than back in D.C., he
thought, as he tapped his fingers on the dashboard.

Scully had finally regained full control of her senses, and was thinking 
about just where she would tell that Steve to stick his little speech.  
Shaking off the thought, she turned to Mulder and asked, "So, Mulder - just 
where are we headed?"

Mulder, relieved to finally hear some sane words out of Scully, turned
to her and responded.  "Well, Scully, while you were sitting in the hotel
room enjoying your little 'trip', I was out looking for some action on the
street.  I went up to Five Points to rap with the homeboys, exchanging
high fives and swapping war stories.  And after they saw what a cool dude
I was, we chilled for a while.  And they told me the biggest place for pot
action was in a warehouse off of I-25.  And here's our exit now."

They pulled off the highway and onto a dingy road filled with construction
signs.  Mulder turned into a small side road and drove up towards an 
abandoned warehouse.  Mulder and Scully then got quietly out of the car and
approached the front of the warehouse.

Mulder and Scully drew their weapons, and Mulder pulled the heavy metal
sliding door open.  Scully dashed inside and secured the entryway, which 
led into a receiving area.  They approached another door at the back, and 
opened it quietly, stepping inside.

The inner room was completely shrouded in darkness, though Mulder could 
feel a cool breeze blowing against his face.  Must be the main storage 
room, he thought.

Just then, dozens of bright lights came on in the ceiling of the storeroom,
blinding the pair.  In the next instant, they heard the sounds of dozens
of shotguns and rifles being cocked all around them.  As their eyes 
adjusted to the light, they saw a ragtag band of men in combat fatigues
surrounding them, weapons drawn.  Mulder and Scully lowered their weapons.

"I'll take those", said a burly unshaven man with a cigar in his mouth,
grabbing Mulder's Glock and Scully's Walther.  Grinning at them, he said,
"Come this way, folks."

He led them to a door in the back of the storeroom.  Knocking on the
door, he yelled inside, "Boss! it's dem FBI folks!"  He then opened the
door partway and ushered the pair inside, closing the door behind them.

Mulder and Scully stepped inside the poorly lit office, and saw a
curtain of multicolored strung-up beads hanging in front of them.  Mulder 
grabbed a handful of the beads and parted them, peering inside.  There, in
front of them, was Steve, sitting back in a black leather chair and puffing 
on a reefer.  he was wearing a purple robe, dark sunglasses, and a hemp 
plant tied around his forehead, just like in the leaflet.

"Welcome, folks - I've been expecting you," he said, grinning from ear to 
ear.  He blew a puff of smoke in Mulder's direction, and the smoke turned
into a circle.  Mulder was not impressed.

Scully coughed from the puff of smoke, and an odd sense of deja vu came over
her.  Suddenly she recognized that strange smell in the air.

Mulder spoke up, "Give it up, Steve - we've got your whole operation
figured out.  You haven't got a chance."

Steve broke out into a hearty laugh.  "Ha ha ha ha! My dear Mr. Mulder, how
foolish the FBI can be sometimes.  You really don't have a clue, do you?"

Scully gazed into Steve's eyes like a hawk, and asked, "And just what do 
you mean by that?"

Steve's face formed into a wide grin, and he continued on.  "Well, now why 
do you think I've gotten as far as I have?  How do you think I've been 
allowed to grow my acres of marijuana crops on the Colorado Plains, and 
train my legions on automatic weapons?  How do you think I've been able to 
get away with all that?"

Mulder stood perplexed.  Perhaps this guy had some...

"Connections - yes, that's right, Mr. Mulder.  Important connections."

Scully growled, "Yeah, well, your connections aren't going to do you any 
good where you're headed."

Steve shook his head, as if trying to get a point across to a stubborn 
child.  "My dear Ms. Scully - how so naive.  It's almost charming, this 
naivete of yours.  And by the way, let me just compliment you on that 
suit - it looks stunning on you.  Although you'd probably look better 
without any clothes altogether."

Scully frowned angrily, as Steve continued on.

"And Ms. Scully - you just don't realize any of this, because of the myopia 
brought on by the years of civil service.  Don't you realize that my power 
extends to the highest reaches of government?"

Mulder exclaimed, "but you don't mean..."

Steve responded, "but yes, Mr. Mulder, I *do* mean it.  Who's the most
famous pot smoker in our government?"

Mulder and Scully gazed at each other, dumbfounded.

Steve bellowed out another laugh, and continued on.  "That's right, my
little FBI friends, Mr. Bill himself, or should I say Mrs. Hillary.
Good old Bill, he was quick to get hooked on my own special blend of
Mary Jane.  Only the finest for our Rhodes Scholar.  And now that he's
under my total control, I am free to do as I wish."

Mulder grew angry.  "But you won't get away with this.  What, especially
with Clinton's popularity ratings dropping, there will be someone else
sitting in the White House in '96.  And then your little game will be
over.  Billy boy won't be around to protect you any more."

Steve waved off Mulder's threat.  "Nonsense.  By then, my master plan
will be complete.  In a few years, my minions will be ready to strike, and 
on January 1st, 1997, I will oversee the revolution, the revolution that 
will overthrow the corrupt capitalist pigs and install me as the sole 
leader of these United States."

Scully asked, "But why then are you telling us all this? unless you plan
to..."

Steve smiled.  "Ah yes, I see you've watched some James bond movies.  Now
it's time.  Harold!", he called outside the room.

The burly man in fatigues returned to open the door, and he and several of 
his men led Mulder and Scully out of Steve's office.  Steve got up from his
chair, taking another puff of his weed.  He said, "It's been so nice
meeting you folks; dreadfully sorry it all has to end this way."

The men dragged Mulder and Scully towards a back corner of the storeroom, 
where they were tied around their waists to a large wooden column.  The men
then gathered up a pile of old newspapers and empty paper cartons around 
Mulder and Scully's feet.  Steve walked out of his office and approached the 
two of them, pulling out a lighter.

He turned to the two of them, and said, "Well, I'll see you both - in
your next life! ha ha ha!", he said, laughing hysterically.

Mulder raced through the situation in his head.  He realized he had just
seconds to act before he and Scully would become a pair of well done human
T-bones.  Without another moment's hesitation, he propelled his right knee 
forward, and kicked Steve's lighter out of his hands, up and back towards 
himself.  Mulder arched his back forward from the wooden column as far as
he could, and reached out caught the lighter with his fingertips.  

He glanced back at a still stunned Steve, and instantly adjusted the flame 
setting on the lighter to its maximum.  He then pointed it in Steve's 
direction, flicking the knob with his thumb.  

Instantly, a huge tongue of flame leapt out at Steve, catching his purple 
robe.  Within a matter of seconds, his robe was engulfed in flames, and he 
screamed out to his men to grab a fire extinguisher.

Fortunately for Mulder and Scully, Steve had foolishly ignored the fire 
department's advice and neglected to place even a single fire extinguisher 
anywhere in the entire warehouse.  And as the men went scurrying off in
search of the nonexistent fire extinguisher, Mulder and Scully managed 
to untie their bonds.

With the men still running around in confusion, Mulder and Scully were
able to sneak back towards the exit.  Scully heard Steve screaming out in
agony, as the searing flames burned his flesh to a crisp.  She shuddered 
and proceeded out of the building.

Mulder dashed over to the Taurus and popped open the trunk.  He pulled out
the tire iron, and rushed back towards the building.  He could hear the 
sound of shouting voices from inside the building, and rushed up to the 
sliding door.  He wedged the tire iron into the door handle and the latch 
on the wall next to the door, jamming the door shut.  He stepped away from 
the door, pulling Scully back with him.

Soon, they heard the voices of the men inside, screaming.  The fire had 
apparently spread quickly throughout the building, and they could hear the
men inside yelling in confusion.  

"Aaargh!", said one voice, followed many others.
"Put that thing out!"
"The door! the door is jammed! dammit!"
"Watch out for those chemicals! they're flammable!"
"They're what?"

Scully winced and turned to Mulder, saying, "Mulder, I don't think I want 
to be around to see this."

Mulder agreed.  "All right, Scully, let's move back."

They jumped into the car and began backing up, when they heard a thunderous
noise coming from the warehouse.  Instantly, the sliding metal door blew 
open, as an enormous ball of red flame erupted out of the building.  Soon, 
the open orifice was spewing out gobs of thick black smoke.

"Take a drag of *that*, Steve", snorted Scully.



THE END


